plans, preparations, confessions

I am busily preparing for the month ahead of not-so-blissful literary abandon. It's been a long time since I have wholeheartedly committed to throwing myself into an all-consuming writing project, but damn it, I'M GOING IN. Yesterday I caught up on some obligations I've been procrastinating against. Bought an external hard drive so my computer can function when I need it most. Bought a pack of nice new pens, because I'm a nerd. Voted, so I won't have to worry about that later this month. Stocked up on some necessities. Bluebear (who will be spending the month writing an album!) and I made a big calendar to hang up on the wall so we can keep track of our schedules and how we're doing accomplishing our goals. My goals (so far) for the next month:

• write a 50,000 word novel
• keep up by writing 1,700 words a day for the novel
• have an excerpt ready to read at Spiderweb Salon by the 10th
• walk, bike, or run at least 30 min. every day
• blog twice a week
• journal daily

My to-do list today includes cleaning my house (I cannot work when my house is a mess), finishing this blog, informing loved-ones of my status for the next month (I won't be going out much, if at all. goodbye, social life!), make a list of last-minute rations to pick up at the store (cannot forget cat food), collect some more interviews from SCL survivors, and write an outline (I am in no way ready for this). I also need to finish up some Spiderweb stuff so we can archive our videos and I have some free space on my computer! Also, pay bills and I feel like I have letters to write? Day off, but a busy one.

I will be surviving on coffee, tea, frozen meals (some I prepared ahead of time so I'd have something decent to eat every now and then) and the kindness of friends (if you want to see me at all next month, bring an offering of food and I will find time to sacrifice to chat). Of course, I still have to work during the month (four days a week or so) so pals can also visit me at my place of employment if they feel so inclined.

My aim is to wake up early and stay up as late as I need to to accomplish my daily goals. I hope I can get a little ahead even, because I had an itch to take a little road trip closer to the end of the month (of course, I would still be working, but maybe not quite as intensively if I can get away with it). I took a few days off work to do so, but if I am behind, those days will give me a much-needed boost and I can save the trip for later.

Confession: I'm nervous. I haven't attempted a project like this in a long time, and when I did, I did not complete the book. And all that is merely considering quantity of work and proportions of time required. The other thing that concerns me: the subject matter is not easy. In fact, the story I hope to tell, though fictionalized, is also incredibly personal, and I expect it to bring up emotions that I have avoided for years. There is no way to prepare for this. My hope is that coming out of it I will be a healthier individual, emotionally. I will have expelled a certain poison that I have been harboring for a long time, derived from experiences I didn't understand when I was younger. I expect to grow from this endeavor, but I do not expect it to be easy. It is hard to ask for, but any amount of emotional support or general encouragement will go a long way this month. I am excited, but I have no idea where I will be once I get to the end of the tunnel. I guess we'll find out.